If you have found yourself saying things like “I need you to love me“, “I want to be loved” and “I don’t feel loved” you should see inside yourself.
Love and Need. These two concepts go hand in hand because they are related to the theme of love. But why do we need love?
Most of us confuse love with the need to be loved. Showing love to your loved one is an indication of a healthy relationship habit.
But how would it be possible to stop thinking that you don’t need the person you love?
A mixture of deep-rooted emotions and ideas is what causes us to confuse those feelings, which are apparently joint but at the same time very different.
What is love?
For a long time, love has been unknown. When we ask someone who is in love and even when we search the Internet for this question, What love really means? almost everyone makes reference to their own experience and tells us about subjective aspects.
But what is the reality? Can we find it? Is it really something that is born from the heart? Today there is a real science to love.
Why do we fall in love psychology behind it
Falling in love is NOT born from the heart
Contrary to what the great majority had believed, it is NOT born from the heart, it is born from the brain and from the combination of brain chemicals that make us go “crazy” for the loved one.
According to Helen Fisher (anthropologist, biologist, and researcher of human behavior), romantic love can be divided into 3 categories: lust, attraction, and attachment. Each of these categories is characterized by a set of brain hormones.
What the science of falling in love says?
In the case of falling in love, the attraction is the category that is related to it. What is the attraction or stage of falling in love according to science?
This stage involves certain areas of the brain that are related to our reward system.
When we talk about the reward system, we mean a group of brain structures that are activated through gratifying stimuli. One of them may be, for example, addictive drugs.
So when we are exposed to this rewarding stimulus, our brain responds by increasing the levels of certain neurotransmitters such as dopamine, and serotonin.
Role of norepinephrine and serotonin in our brain
The role that norepinephrine plays in our brain is that it keeps us alert and that it has been scientifically proven that when a person in love sees the picture of the loved one, the brain’s reward centers shoot wildly.
Finally, the serotonin that is responsible for regulating mainly mood and appetite is reduced. So it is also for this reason that a person who has been loved by someone experiences so many emotional ups and downs and may even feel less eager to eat.
It is for this reason that it is said that it is an addiction and it really is so, it causes the same effect.
What happens chemically in our brains?
The dopamine is released in our brain when we perform activities that make us feel good.
The mixture of dopamine with norepinephrine results in us becoming more energetic and euphoric.
We can even experience a decrease in appetite and are more likely to spend sleepless nights thinking about being loved.
Do we really need love?
It is likely that you know someone or that you yourself have the need to feel loved.
Have you ever been surprised by saying, “I want love” or “I just want to be loved”?
It’s not uncommon to find people who feel bad after ending a relationship because they don’t want to stop feeling loved.
But what causes this feeling? And why do some care more about being loved than the relationship itself?
Why do I feel the need to be in a relationship?
I want to be loved. Although maybe it’s because I have a hangover after breaking my relationship. If so, maybe you should give me some time to be with me before venturing into a new relationship.
Reasons why we need love
It is important that you find out if the other person does not really show you their love or if you have psychological needs that affect your perception.
If you don’t find emotional balance, the love of your partner or loved ones will never be enough.
Don’t worry if now it seems that your partner or the people around you don’t give you enough love.
You must first understand the reason for this exaggerated need.
Once you know the reasons, you will be able to find the solution to the problem.
The second thing you should do is improve your self-esteem.
This will help you depend on others to be happy and love yourself.
Finally, you should change your ideas or behavior patterns.
You will have to avoid repeating the negative phrases with which you self-sabotage.
You know, those that intensify your need to be loved or the idea that you are not loved.
If you always think that your loved ones do not love you or that they treat you well only for kindness and not for love, you should look for a solution to this problem.
Once you learn to see the love and need to be loved differently, you can improve your relationships.
These will be more stable and complete.
Why do we need to be loved?
Being loved with sincere love is a wonderful experience that every human being desires.
But when we create a dependence on that love to be happy, then it stops being beautiful and we start chasing the perfect love, and that makes us unhappy.
The need to be loved comes from the moment we are born even without knowing it
That someone loves us means we have protection, security, trust.
When we are a baby and our mother or father or grandparents loves us, we still do not know that we are in this world, we feel calm.
That is why a beloved baby sleeps better and has fewer health problems, of course, everything is normal.
However, that is something so good and positive can become immature and negative as we grow.
This is because we continually seek to be loved to feel happy. We want to continue as when we were that baby. Worse, we want to be loved even when we don’t love, just like when we were babies.
he baby does not have to do anything other than exist for his mother to love him, we call that unconditional love.
But we also want our partner to love us, that our friends love us, in short, we think we deserve to have that love because it is the most logical thing, it is what we know from the cradle.
And although it seems absurd, this is what we feel inside us even if we don’t express it in words.
God loves us first, he loves us from our mother’s womb, and he always loves us and his love is unconditional.
This is the only constant love. And that is why we need to learn to depend on Him, to feel safe in Him, to feel protected by Him.
But when we insist that another person loves us as God loves us in order to be happy, we are really being unfair to that person.
We are putting too much pressure on a human being who also goes through the same needs and problems as us.
That is why your happiness cannot depend on your partner, your children, your friends, your happiness has to depend on your relationship with God which is only achieved through his Son Jesus Christ.
I want to share something else that I feel is very important.
Why is love important in society? From where does need to be loved comes from?
The need to be loved comes from our childhood, which is a sign of something born in our immaturity; not that this is bad for being immature since love is the most beautiful thing in this world, but in the end, it is born in childhood.
But, we learn to love another person is born when we are older when we already know that we are in this world, which represents maturity.
The feeling of needing to be loved is born of selfishness, again, I don’t say it negatively, but it’s true.
When the baby wants to feel loved, he is thinking about him, in his need.
But, the decision to love is born in imitating God, in giving, in giving something from one to the other person, which is the opposite of selfishness.
Many times we confuse love with the need to be loved, or with the fear of not finding a partner. So, what is the reason for wanting to be loved?
Does it make us feel special?
Oh! yes, Absolutely.
We feel that someone needs us and we are important to them.
The worst part is that human beings need approvals, a kind of validation from others that we are loved.
Why do some people need more love than others?
Human beings are very different.
We are the result of the experiences, desires and the past we live. Sometimes, all this is combined to make you a person insecure or in need of proving that you are as good as others. Among the most common causes are:
#1. The lack of love in childhood
The first two people with whom we come in contact are our parents. Sometimes, they are cold and distant.
If you grew up with this type of parents you can start to doubt your importance. It is not uncommon for you to grow up, doubt your partner’s love.
#2. Birth order
The only children and smaller children usually feel less the lack of love.
The exception to the above would be if your parents are distant or cold. However, it is more common for older children to feel this lack of love.
This is because they felt that they were “dethroned” by their younger brothers as children. It is common that as you grow, try to build very intense relationships that replace the love you feel you lacked.
#3. The need for acceptance
For some people, feeling loved is just one more step to feel accepted. These people usually have self-esteem problems.
They only manage to feel better if they know they are loved. In this case, it is best to strengthen self-esteem.
Otherwise, you can reach situations of codependence or violence.
Have you fallen into the serious error of emotional attachment?
The one that makes you suffer, disappoint you and that causes immense pain in the heart, creating a too dependent bond between the couple, making the two feel incomplete, insecure and weak.
Why do people love each other?
Now, love is a very complex feeling that has different perspectives.
For example, someone thinks that love is when their partner gives them a gift, share romantic love quotes every morning, travel with them, buy a luxurious house.
Perhaps, love is for other people the union that forms a family.
Love is subjective, we all have different concepts and putting a definition as such could create unnecessary debates.
Why am I confused about my feelings?
However, there are some signs that we can identify with the naked eye and by logic.
This will give us a reference for what it is to love or “need” in couple relationship.
Sharing quotes about confused love feelings with your loved one will help you resolve to confuse love:
Signs that there is more need to be loved than true love
1. Looking to complement your own identity
When the couple seeks to find in their partner something they feel they do not have, then we could say that a need is created.
Perhaps it is not about feelings but about something the other has.
Such as his strength, courage, intelligence, charisma, values, among other things.
Sometimes people are afraid to face life on their own.
Therefore they turn to the love of a couple, to make them feel strong and invincible, safer and more confident.
The idea of love is totally contrary.
A couple will not seek to complement their deficiencies or fears with another person to feel safe.
They will accept their weaknesses and strengthen them with the loved one.
It is about overcoming fears as a whole to face all adversity and not to complement what you are not.
Since your unique essence and self-esteem will be broken.
Always remember! Humans do need love to survive.
2. You can’t live without him-I just want to be loved by someone
This is a typical phrase when a need is created. When a couple constantly expresses their fear of living without the other person, then they are likely to have insecurities and codependency.
She is a person totally incapable of being happy for herself, for that reason, there will come a point where her life revolves around what the couple does or does not do.
When you love your partner, you don’t need to think that your life without that person has no direction or meaning. Maybe, you may suffer from that idea, but when you love you know that you must continue with your life without going back to continue conquering your dreams and goals.
3. Always looking for satisfaction
Many times we need the help of people to cover with a need.
Since we do not always know everything, for example, we need a farmer to have food, or a mason to build a house.
In the case of the couple is the same, we create a need to be well, either emotionally, physically or materially.
If your partner gives you what you need, then you think you are in love and continue with the relationship?
However, when you do not receive what you expect then you are disappointed.
To need the couple to help you with something is totally valid, but often it does not represent love.
For example, when you love maturely you think of giving without asking for anything in return, of trying to meet your needs, of satisfying it and thus feeling full and united.
This is very different from needing someone to solve your life.
4. You need your partner to change
Some people focus their lives on finding their better half, that someone who completes them, looks alike and think alike.
Fortunately, we are all different.
When a concept of need is created, the person seeks in a thousand ways to change their partner to feel happy without accepting their defects.
“I need you to come to your mind! Why don’t you think like me! It should be more reasonable!”
In love, there is no need to change the couple.
On the contrary, it is accepted as it is, with its defects, always seeking the virtues and strengths.
You don’t need them to be a mirror of yours!
5. Fear of leaving the comfort zone
In some relationships, the routine becomes part of life, of feeling safe and secure.
That is why we can say that we need the couple to be afraid to leave our comfort zone since changes always generate doubts and fears.
In love, there is no fear of jumping that line of insecurity.
On the contrary, when you love you take risks, new experiences, and adventures, in order to conquer the dreams and goals of the two have set themselves.
The concepts of love and need are different, and both can become valid in every relationship.
We all need the beloved couple to be well. Right?
However, we must be attentive to this “need,” because it can become an emotional attachment, and that is where security and self-esteem are likely to be lost.
In short, everything has to be balanced and we must think that loving does not imply suffering or trying to complement a lack.
Please never confuse love with its need o be loved. Both are different but yet related.
It is a feeling that unites two individuals in body and soul, creating a magical and indestructible bond.