There are couples who are still in love and happy with each other after 50 years of marriage as on the first day. And there are people in whom every relationship breaks down after a short time. Are these people incapable of a love relationship?
Or is there really a secret recipe for how true love can last forever?
Countless psychologists and scientists have gone in search of the holy grail of a healthy love relationship with success.
There are truly some rules that a couple should follow to keep love alive.
How does it feel to be in love really?
When you are in love, you feel a wave of euphoria that makes you feel the happiest and luckiest person in the world for having found the ideal person.
You feel an immense desire to be next to the person you love and an incredible emotional well-being sensation when you are well corresponding.
For this reason, it is not strange that for centuries it has been possible to think that such intense emotions and feelings come from the heart.
Do you remember the last time you fell in love?
When we are in love, it seems as if the “mental chip” has changed and our emotions depend almost entirely on the love relationship we have with that special person.
We feel clueless all the time as if we were in the clouds and could not go down, we say silly things, our heartbeats a thousand per thousand.
Our legs tremble when that person approaches, we feel “butterflies in the stomach” with their presence, among many other unbridled emotions.
Because of this, it is not uncommon for a person in love to do some kind of madness for the loved one since it becomes their world.
But what makes you feel this series of emotions? Does that pleasant feeling really come from the heart?
What the science of falling in love says?
In the case of falling in love, the attraction is the category that is related to it. What is the attraction or stage of falling in love according to science?
This stage involves certain areas of the brain that are related to our reward system.
When we talk about the reward system, we mean a group of brain structures that are activated through gratifying stimuli. One of them may be, for example, addictive drugs.
So when we are exposed to this rewarding stimulus, our brain responds by increasing the levels of certain neurotransmitters such as dopamine, and serotonin.
What happens chemically in our brains?
The dopamine is released in our brain when we perform activities that make us feel good.
The mixture of dopamine with norepinephrine results in us becoming more energetic and euphoric.
We can even experience a decrease in appetite and are more likely to spend sleepless nights thinking about being loved.
Role of norepinephrine and serotonin in our brain
The role that norepinephrine plays in our brain is that it keeps us alert and that it has been scientifically proven that when a person in love sees the picture of the loved one, the brain’s reward centers shoot wildly.
Finally, the serotonin that is responsible for regulating mainly mood and appetite is reduced. So it is also for this reason that a person who has been loved by someone experiences so many emotional ups and downs and may even feel less eager to eat.
It is for this reason that it is said that it is an addiction and it really is so, it causes the same effect.
How does it feel to be loved and not be reciprocated?
“ We feel extremely sad and dejected. Angry and even frustrated at not having the loving and kindness of that special person ”
Just as it brings us many joys and makes us live life for at least a rosy time (when we are well reciprocated), that same intensity of feelings and emotions turns against us when we are rejected.
Without a doubt, being loved is a wonderful experience but when we are not reciprocated we can have a really bad time.
The neuronal reactions that are generated during the process of falling in love are similar to the feeling of not being reciprocated.
Our reward circuit is activated even more and we are so motivated and energetic to achieve our goal (being with the loved one) that this can lead to obsession.
We can have a hard time since being constantly alert and focused on the other person causes us to experience feelings of anguish and anxiety that does not allow us to be calm.
Cortisol levels (the stress hormone) are increasing more and more when we realize that even though we try to get what we want, we don’t succeed.
And, obviously, it is not in us to get to be with that person, it is something that is totally out of our control but we still tirelessly fight to do so.
An interesting fact is that it has been found in research is that love and hate are really related. When we love someone we become obsessed with that person as well as when we hate.
How does it feel to be in love for the first time?
If we have been in love before, we will not be so surprised to experience all these series of ups and downs and uncontrolled emotions caused by falling in love.
However, when it happens for the first time and grabs us by surprise, we can live it with much more intensity and confusion.
Among the things we feel and that happen to us when we fall in love for the first time are the following:
What love really means to us when we falling into it for the first time?
First time makes us feel
- Happiest people in the world when we are with that special person.
- We tend to put aside other things and people that matter to us because we are close to the loved one.
- Sleepless night, thinking about the loved one.
- Constantly watching what this special person does or does not do.
- We become more clumsy for being clueless thinking about him
- We like to be constantly talking about that person
- We have trouble doing our daily activities
- We feel a series of emotions and emotional ups and downs probably more intense than other times we fall in love
- Increase the probability that we do crazy things for love
Among other types of things that can undoubtedly turn our head world from one moment to another.
Have you ever become addicted to falling in love?
Do you tend to send morning love quotes to your lover every morning?
Do you search for the best romantic love quotes?
If yes then I can that you have addicted to your lover.
For this same reason is usually compared to what we have when we are addicted to something.
Have you ever become addicted to love? Do you know someone who falls in it frequently?
As with any addiction, there are people who become addicted to this kind of feeling as pleasant as falling in love.
These are people who end a love relationship and then move on to another when the crush ends. Because falling in love has an expiration date and this is something natural and even healthy.
What would happen to us if we lived constantly with that huge amount of emotional ups and downs?
The crush has to end to give way to the love that is more conscious and mature.
On the other hand, there are also people who although they do not change partners, the emotions they experience when they are in love and are well-matched are so intense that they become harmful.
That is, too much dopamine in a relationship can be causing the onset of a great unhealthy emotional dependence.
When we become emotionally dependent on the couple we can lose even our own essence.
We stop enjoying life by living totally for the other.
Finally, this is bringing a series of problems at the individual and couple levels that is increasingly difficult of coping with.
Reflection about love and falling in love
In my personal opinion, I consider it totally worth falling in love. What about you?
Did you clarify what love really means?
Finally, it is an experience that if it knocks on our door it is difficult to refuse and, why not?
Not only it is worth knowing love but also the lack of love if it also knocks on our door since finally all the experiences of life that are presented to us are to leave us a new teaching or a pleasant experience.
Not yet fallen in love!
Are you craving to know what does falling in love feels like?
If you have not fallen in love and would like to do it, you should know that this is something that cannot be forced since it is not as conscious as the purest love.
However, you can always consciously decide to love another person because although you do not have those feelings of falling in love, it is finally the one that will last the longest if you build it well and you can enjoy it even a lifetime.
The 8 rules for a happy love relationship
#1 Check who binds himself forever
Our grandmothers already knew this motto.
Now you might be realizing how right they were.
As the American scientist and author Karl Pillemer found out. He asked more than 700 long-term couples about the secret of their happiness. Rule No. 1: Really marry only if it is also great love.
A marriage where doubts have arisen beforehand or for practical financial reasons – for example, because of the tax or the existential supply – does not build on a good basis. Statistically speaking, separation is very likely.
#2 Everyone has a right to desire and change
At the beginning of a love relationship, everything is pink and the partners want to spend every free minute together.
Over the years, this need has changed, as has life in general.
Instead of partying, he would much rather read a good book at home.
Instead of a backpacking holiday, she wants a nice time in the mountains.
And the once so cool classic car convertible turns out to be impractical and cold when it comes to weekly bulk purchases in winter.
Changes are needed.
Every partner has the right to fulfill his wishes – if they fail within a moderate framework.
Compromising is a must in every respect.
Important: If the partner feels understood and taken seriously in a relationship, he also returns this experience to his partner, according to Pillemer.
#3 Talk to each other
And then we’re at rule No. 3.
Communication is the basis of every love relationship.
If you don’t talk to each other, you cannot know what the other person thinks or feels.
The feeling can quickly arise that everyone leads their own life instead of a common one.
Relationship psychologists have a special tip for this: Every day, each partner has the right to speak exclusively about his interests, the events of the day or his wishes for at least half an hour.
The other partner is obliged to listen carefully. It sounds simple but is difficult to achieve in everyday life.
But it’s worth it. After a short time, this ritual has solidified and the partners start to become interested in each other again on their own.
#4 Small gestures
Regardless of whether it’s morning coffee by the bed, a small note on the fridge door with a nice message, or the favorite chocolate that she always brings back with him when shopping – it is the small gestures that make a love blossom again and again.
And sometimes can have a greater meaning than a pronounced “I love you!”
#5 Maintain yourself
Of course, after an exhausting week, you may just want to hang out in front of the TV in jogging clothes.
But to be honest: who finds his partner in a grubby look and with greasy hair really attractive?
A certain amount of care is essential.
Take a little time for care, do some sport. This increases the attractiveness immensely even after long years of relationship – and also gives a healthy self-confidence.
#6 Children or partners – who come first
Once children are in the relationship, the partnership often suffers enormously.
Because where the undivided attention previously belonged exclusively to the partner, the focus is suddenly completely on the children.
This can quickly lead to the problem in a couple love relationship
The partner should not feel that they are playing the second violin.
Raising children is hard work.
Nevertheless, there is nothing to be said against showing your partner how important he is with certain gestures and rituals.
A candlelight dinner every other weekend, a romantic walk for two or a visit to the cinema can quickly bring back the warm feeling of love and togetherness.
Finding a babysitter is not magic. And maybe grandma will be happy to help too.
#7 Sex and tenderness
In the early months of the love relationship, most of them can’t keep their hands off each other.
It is cuddled, smooched and sexed that the bars crack.
Then the hustle and bustle calm down under the covers.
This is due to pheromones, the body’s own fragrances, which make the partner sexually attractive.
After about nine months of the relationship, their production declines.
In order to remain sexually attractive to your partner, you have to come up with something.
For example, trying out new sex toys. Or book an appointment with your loved one in a hotel.
But above all, you shouldn’t worry. It is normal for sexual desire to subside over time.
The body has adjusted itself to the partner, so to speak. But that shouldn’t mean that from now on there should only be yawning boredom in sex life.
Sex is also an important part of a relationship. You just have to put in a little more effort to rekindle your passion.
To make the hormones bubble again, for example, sport is ideal.
Sport stimulates the entire organism and blood circulation.
And also sexuality.
And another trick: tenderness. A gentle caress here, a kiss there or just a loving hug are a thriving breeding ground for eroticism and passion.
When interviewing couples who had been happy for many years, it turned out that most of the interviewees found tender, intimate and well-known sex much more pleasant and satisfying than the wild sex games at the beginning of a love relationship.
Another trick: tenderness. A gentle caress here, a kiss there or just a loving hug are a thriving breeding ground for eroticism and passion.
When interviewing couples who had been happy for many years, it turned out that most of the interviewees found tender, intimate and well-known sex much more pleasant and satisfying than the wild sex games at the beginning of a relationship.
Sex is also an important part of a love relationship. You just have to put in a little more effort to rekindle your passion.
#8 Eat first, then fight
This expert tip sounds strange at first but is meant seriously.
The reasoning is simple. Some people get extremely bad mood when they feel hungry. Your blood sugar level drops rapidly. In return, their aggressiveness increases.
If the wrong word is spoken or if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, an explosion will occur.
The scraps fly and one bad word quickly speaks to the other.
The accusations are not meant by the people concerned.
Rather, they are no longer completely under control. Therefore, rather eat a little something before criticism is given. With a full belly, it argues badly.