The 7 pillars of emotional intelligence in love

It is the self-knowledge of our unconscious qualities and dark aspects that can influence the way we experience a relationship. They can help us generate and sustain a healthy, adult and rewarding love relationship. Before knowing about the 7 pillars of emotional intelligence in love, we need to understand what is emotional intelligence and its competencies.

Emotional intelligence is the sum of a set of skills that allows us to identify, understand and manage our emotions and those of others.

What are emotional intelligence competencies?

Do you want to be a better person?

And achieve our goals and have better relationships with other people.

Then you should know the five competencies of emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence competency #1. SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS

Self-awareness is the ability to give attention to your own emotional state in any situation.

As well as being able to effectively process this state and use what you know to have better future actions. 

Let me explain with an example.

Let’s say you are angry at someone.

If you are a person who is aware of yourself.

You will not only know that you are angry, but you can also determine the cause of the anger.

Thus use this knowledge to decide what to do, avoiding an uncontrolled reaction that can cause you problems in your relationship.

Emotional intelligence competency #2. SELF-REGULATION

Self-regulation gives you the option of selecting the emotion you wish to experience at any given time, in each particular situation. 

This process requires a lot of practice and a considerable amount of self-control.

To have the domain that will allow you to gain control of your emotions, without becoming a victim of other people’s actions.


Self-regulation is more than ignoring negative emotions.

It is an active process that requires considerable training and the necessary approach to be able to carry it out.


It is not about repressing emotions with their corresponding energies.

Knowing how to control and make use of those energies would be something good for the person.

Emotional intelligence competency #3. SELF MOTIVATION

Self-motivation, allows you to use your emotions to achieve positive changes in your life through the pursuit of your goals. regardless of the obstacles that you encounter in your path. 

This process requires focusing emotions completely towards positivity, optimism, trust, and persistence. 

It is essential to release the energy of negative emotions, redirecting this from what could be possible negative emotional reactions, towards actions aimed at the proposed objectives, in order to achieve self-motivation.

#4. EMPATHY

Empathy, in emotional intelligence, is the ability to feel what another person is feeling, and thus be able to see and feel life from the perspective of another. 

This allows you to realize the emotional state of another, in a rational and effective way. It is the best way to lead others to a state of positivity and optimism.

#5. FOSTER RELATIONS

To foster relationships, it is necessary to be able to demonstrate, in an honest way, emotional interest and understanding for others. 

Actions and words should reflect due respect for the efforts of others, with a goal of commitment and teamwork.

These 5 competencies are important characteristics of emotional intelligence

What is an emotion?

Emotion is something natural and normal, it is a human characteristic that is neither good or bad. It is our attitude that plays a major role here.

How do we react or behave when an emotion is experienced, is what we must learn to manage.

Have you come across situations when you wanted to cry out Loud?

What did you do in this case? Where you able to manage your emotions?

If yes, then you have conquered the skill of emotional intelligence. That’s not all!

What will you do if you spot your lover( in relation to you for 5 years), dating someone else?

Will you go into depression? Cry out loud? or Get hold of him and give him a tight slap?

Judge yourself! Are you emotionally strong to get hold of him and give him a tight slap without an emotional outburst or going into depression?

The importance of emotional intelligence

People who have fuller lives are those with higher emotional intelligence, not necessarily those with a higher IQ. 

When not handled correctly, emotions can end up destroying a person’s life, preventing him from having satisfactory relationships, limiting his progress.

 In general, emotional intelligence helps to:

1. Improve in those areas of life that involve relating to others and thus establish more satisfactory relationships.

2. Maintain better health by being able to better manage stress and negative emotions such as anxiety, so that they do not affect excessively or for too long. In addition, the person who does not manage their emotions well has many more emotional ups and downs and mood swings that harm their relationships.

3. Relate better with others. People with high emotional intelligence are better able to express what they feel to others and understand what others feel. This allows them to communicate more effectively and create deeper relationships.

Characteristics of people with high emotional intelligence

#1. They identify their own emotions. This way they know what they are feeling in each moment and why, and they realize how they influence their behavior and their thoughts.

#2. They manage their emotions, control their impulses, and do not get carried away easily by emotional outbursts. They know how to calm themselves when their emotions are especially negative and intense and they know how to adapt to changing circumstances.

#3. Identify the emotions of others. They have a high capacity to understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of others, know how to put themselves in the place of the other and understand different points of view to their own.

Emotional intelligence is not a trait, it is a skill and as such can be learned. Do not miss the opportunity to enjoy useful learning in all areas of your life.

What is a regular complaint heard from the feminine universe?

One of the most frequent complaints that are usually heard in the feminine universe – both in the psychological office and in coffee talks – refers to love and difficulties in finding people who really want to engage in a relationship. 

We can complain, ask the universe to find true love. What does a woman want in a man in a relationship?

Can we avoid an inevitable truth: if we are not prepared to get involved in the love of a couple, it is difficult for us to have an adult and rewarding relationship. 

We can get into the wrong, complicated and hysterical people to reinforce our sense of anger and frustration in the face of love.

Have you heard of Emotional intelligence in love?

emotional intelligence
Intelligent Quotient+Emotional Intelligence will lead to success

Emotional intelligence in love implies the self-knowledge of our dark qualities and unconscious aspects that can influence the way we experience a relationship.

There are 7 pillars that, well worked and made aware, can greatly help us generate and sustain a healthy, adult and rewarding love relationship. 

The 7 pillars of emotional intelligence in love.

These help us to become mature, vital and conscientious people to be able to attract people in a similar harmony with our lives with whom we can build a healthy relationship

Pillars of Emotional intelligence-#1 Attachment

This aspect refers to allowing us to connect with attachment with ourselves and with another.

Learn to enjoy, receive and give pleasure, since that way you create a “chemistry” that is essential to sustain attachment in our partner. 

The Osho meditations, out there such as Tantra and bioenergetic exercises can be carried out individually to increase our potential.

The concrete thing is that the more you work on this aspect in yourself, you will create an energy that will be very attractive for your life and your relationship. 

Pillars of emotional intelligence-#2 Communication

communiaction-A pillar for emotional intelligence

To generate an adult love we need to talk, listen and express what we feel and think. This aspect is usually scarce in 70% of couples.

Recent statistics show an increase in conflicts among couples, toxic divorces, and chaotic relationships, the primary reason being lack of communication.

Communication is necessary in order to build a solid and lasting love relationship.

Pillars of emotional intelligence-#3 Generosity

emotional intelligence

When two lonely and unhappy people get together they are likely to be triple unfortunate.

Generosity involves practicing in your life lovingly giving others with limits. You can do this in an NGO, with your family or other people. 

When we are in a couple, being generous with others means trying and encouraging them to grow and feel happy. This means the Win-Win model, where both win. 

Generosity is trying to give to another so that he can grow and experience abundance. From this model, I try to find a partner to give and give love, instead of waiting to get me out of my pain and loneliness.

Pillars of emotional intelligence-#4 Balance fully

balance your emotions

We are not only people in search of love. We are also people who can study, work, practice as parents, play sports or have hobbies. 

The more we balance our life and cultivate diverse interests and pleasures, we become more abundant, vital and attractive people. 

If you do not balance your life, it is likely that you will become an “energy vampire” of your partner and that suffocates the bond. 

Just ask yourself: What do you need to balance in your life, beyond love, to feel happy, full and passionate?

5. The fifth pillar of emotional intelligence-Self knowledge

know yourself

It means being aware of your qualities, values ​​and dark aspects.

When we are not aware of this we can get involved with people who mistreat, devalue or despise us.

Self-knowledge is usually obtained through psychological therapy and being receptive to learning in life.

It also implies realizing the familiar mandates and models that we can carry in out unconsciously.

Sometimes, even without realizing it, it prevents us from living a true and healthy love with another person. 

Are you aware of your qualities and difficulties in relation to love

How do you think your family models affect your ability to experience a relationship?

6. The sixth pillar of emotional intelligence-Work my energy

pillar for emotional intelligence-yoga and meditation

We all have an aura or energy field around our body. The more pleasant activities we do, the greater the intensity of this field, which makes us more radiant, healthy and resistant to stress.

The concept of working your energy means committing yourself to practice activities that help raise your aura, such as yoga, meditation, sport or dance, to name a few cases. 

Working your energy quality enhances the law of attraction, which can help you summon people with similar energy and commitment. 

What activities do you practice to increase your energy field?

7. The seventh and the last-Maturity

pillars of emotional intelligence-maturity

This last aspect is not static, but dynamic and constantly growing. Maturity means being receptive to listening, respecting and encouraging growth in your consciousness to become wiser, more attentive and awake.

It implies the ability to assume your mistakes, observe your dark aspects and take responsibility for them. Complicated, aggressive and complex relationships usually occur because their members are immature. 

Therefore, if you really want to experience a mature and powerful love, you need to work your own maturity.

Final thoughts!

 How do you work your level of maturity?

It is important to emphasize that emotional intelligence in love is a permanent job that we do both as single and as a couple, regardless of the years we have been together. 

These 7 pillars of emotional intelligence can be worked both individually and as a couple. Your work can ensure that we are prepared to live a true and pleasant love.

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